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humor The Onion 2026-08-03

Powerball: Your Best Chance to Become a Rich, Miserable Pasta Sauce Mogul

Americans are finally realizing that gambling on a global jackpot is just a fancy way to fund your future misery and buy a literal ocean of Prego sauce. Congratulations on your future financial ruin—at least your pasta will be well-seasoned while you weep over your bank account.

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