humor
The Onion
2026-08-03
Powerball: Your Best Chance to Become a Rich, Miserable Pasta Sauce Mogul
Americans are finally realizing that gambling on a global jackpot is just a fancy way to fund your future misery and buy a literal ocean of Prego sauce. Congratulations on your future financial ruin—at least your pasta will be well-seasoned while you weep over your bank account.