Back to Humor Feed
humor The Onion 2026-07-31

Chicagoans Over 25 Told to Hide Until Lollapalooza Ends

Authorities in Chicago are advising residents over 25 to seek shelter until the Lollapalooza music festival concludes, presumably to protect them from the deafening music and questionable fashion choices. Apparently, aging out of mosh pits is a public safety concern.

Support Your Local Toad

The Pesky Toad is free and ad-light. If you find it useful, toss a few pesos in the tip jar to help keep the servers running and the satire flowing.

$

MXN · Minimum $10