humor
The Onion
2026-07-31
Spider-Man Movie Promises Forklift Certification, No Kissing Unless Married
The new Spider-Man flick is here, and its premise is simple: it's a Spider-Man movie. Spidey gains the incredible power of being forklift-certified, and don't expect any lip-smacking unless Tom and Zendaya were secretly hitched. Luckily, there's no post-credits scene to endure.