The PettiChat real-time pet translator promises a '94.6% accuracy' in translating your fur-baby's barks and meows into human speech. For $119, our local animal whisperers can now confidently confirm their rescue dog's disdain for the new yoga instructor. No independent verification, naturally, but who needs science when you have 'AI Adaptive Learning' and an integrated GPS tracker to find Fido when he inevitably runs off to avoid a conversation?