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humor The Onion 2026-07-23

Study: Phones Are Ruining Americans' Sex Lives, One Scroll At A Time

Apparently, looking at your phone during sex is bad for your orgasms. Who knew? Researchers discovered that ditching the TikTok during coitus leads to higher satisfaction, proving that actual human connection might be slightly more fulfilling than digital distraction. Who needs dopamine hits from strangers when you have... actual physical pleasure?

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