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humor The Onion 2026-07-16

Female Justices Seek Protection From Kavanaugh, Fear Elevator Encounters

In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the Supreme Court's female justices have officially requested protection from Justice Kavanaugh. Apparently, the hallways and elevators have become too much of a hazard, and they're worried about bumping into him unawares. It's a tough job being a justice, especially when you have to explain to your kids why you're wearing extra baggy clothes to work.

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