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humor The Onion 2026-07-15

Gen Z Telepaths Can't Even Finish Reading Your Mind Before Reaching for Their Phones

Apparently, today's psychic wunderkinds are more interested in TikTok than your deepest, darkest secrets. Researchers found their attention spans have dwindled so much, they'd rather let AI summarize your subconscious than actually bother reading your mind. Sad!

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