A deep dive into a 2,200-year-old Roman shipwreck has revealed that ancient shipwrights coated hulls with a precise blend of pine tar, beeswax, and trapped pollen grains. While orthodox archaeology views this merely as practical marine engineering, alternative history enthusiasts will no doubt take it as definitive proof that Rome was running an artisanal apothecary union. One can only assume the sinking was caused by maritime inspectors objecting to the lack of organic certification.